Pets

January 2023

Today I ponder the power of pets. Now I’m a total dog lover. I have had a dog as a part of my family for my whole life. With rarely a gap. I just love how they can look at your face and listen to your voice and perceive what you need. How they ask very little except to be loved, to make you happy and be a part of your pack. We are a Golden Retriever family.  Leo, our second Golden, came to us in 2011.  My kids were 19 and 15. He quickly tied a bow around all of our hearts.

While most of us adore our pets in this way, we tend to take them a bit for granted. Not that we do not love and appreciate them, but we tend to ignore the fact they are only going to be a part of our lives for a fraction of our own. When you add a dog to your family, even if they are a puppy, you know inside you’ll see all the stages of their life. You lock it away in your head as you grow to love them.

You ignore it as they progress from a playful and mischievous puppy to an indolent adolescent, and then through adulthood to their senior years. All of this is compressed into a fairly short span of time.  That is until you can no longer ignore it. Often, we may keep them around a little too long.  We now have the technology to keep them around longer than nature intended.  More or less healthy, even beyond their normal lifespan.  But not Leo.  

This year, on Christmas Eve our Leo died. His death was sudden. Although he was showing the impact of aging, like arthritis, he still had frequent puppy-like moments. Literally until 2 days before Christmas. To say it was a shock would be a total understatement. Leo was as much a part of our family as anyone. We were conscious of his aging, but all felt we still had years to enjoy his playful and loving personality.  It was not to be.

We were lucky.  Leo’s illness was sudden, quick, and final.  He did not suffer.  When he was in his closing hours my entire family was there, comforting him as he crossed the rainbow bridge.  As we gathered around him to say goodbye I felt a sadness as deep as I had ever felt. An affirmation. The end of something. It wasn’t just that I was losing an old friend, it was the end of another stage of life. The end of an era. Saying goodbye to Leo reminded me of all the goodbyes we have to say as we age. And reminds me of the many more yet to come. The fragility of life.

I usually put my feelings on this page in my own words. But on Christmas Eve, the night Leo died, my daughter wrote something on social media that I could not possibly say any better.

“I am at a loss for words when it comes to how I feel tonight. We had to say goodbye to our most beloved dog, Leo. My heart is completely shattered, and it honestly feels like my world has gone dark. Anyone who knew Leo knows what a wonderful beacon of joy and happiness he was. He was so pure, so happy, so full of goodness. Even on my most jaded and sour days, Leo was relentless in cheering me up. To say he was loved by all is such an understatement. The unbridled joy of either seeing an old friend or meeting a new one... his warmth was felt by everyone.

I am devastated. I have a hard time feeling, expressing, confronting, or even acknowledging my emotions, but tonight I feel grief. It's a slow and dull ache that builds until my heart feels like it's being torn into pieces. It fades and I'm able to tell myself that it's ok, that I'll recover.... but then it starts over again. Unable to be suppressed. It was a gift to have Leo be a part of our family. To be loved so unconditionally.

Thank you for loving us all, my Leo. For being the best boy. You are so loved, and you will be so missed. I am so lucky that I got to experience your life with you.”

There is a lesson here. If we all could feel the good fortune of experiencing life with others while they are still with us, we would surely live happier and more satisfying lives. If we didn’t wait until the end to show our joy to one another. Pets or otherwise. To make life less fragile by appreciating what and who we have.

Leo was loved and he loved back unconditionally. My aim is to work harder at being a bit “Leo”, or dogs in general. Work hard to be happy and full of goodness, with the aim of helping those around me feel just a little bit better. And even if it doesn’t work, I’ll wag my tail, take a nap, and try again later. I’ll bring you a different toy to tug on. That seemed to work.

But right now, I am just going to be unconditionally sad. And not apologize for it.