Change for the Better?

December 2024

I was coming home after doing some chores the other day.  It was about 2pm.  As I turned onto the road that enters my neighborhood there were at least 12 cars parked there, pointing in both directions, all running and waiting.  Being a real nuisance, I might add.  And this happens every weekday at this time.  At least during the school year.  These were parents waiting for their kids to get off the school bus. This is done, so that these children, ranging from age 6-15, could be driven the rest of the way home.  I have witnessed this many times. Some are driven only several blocks back into our neighborhood. Others, only slightly further.

Now, it wasn’t raining, snowing or cold.  As a matter of fact, it was a beautiful sunny day. But that doesn’t matter.  It’s just how it is in this day and age.  Today, it made me ponder.  It made me consider the stark differences from my hazard-filled, freedom-oriented youth, to growing up in today’s highly protective and safety-oriented society. 

I am not judging here.  I am only observing and pondering.  But let me tell you, just for your reference, in case you don’t have one, growing up in the 1960’s and 1970’s was an adventure that I doubt will ever be repeated.  And that is probably a very good thing!  Just off of the top of my head, I can provide details that make even me, at this jaded age, a little uneasy. Parenting now has little resemblance to my formative years. So, allow me to reminisce. 

Sticking with school logistics for the moment, just so I can substantiate that old parental stereotype.  You know the one, the “I walked up hill both ways to school and back, miles each way, in 4 feet of snow” adage.  I know you’ve heard that one!  Even my parents said that type of thing.  And yes, I walked to school from kindergarten, when I was 5 years old, until 9th grade when I was 15.  Usually by myself.  Or maybe with a group of kids of all ages in a convoy to the same destination.

It was only about 6 blocks for me and my siblings, but we never got a ride, regardless of the weather. Back in the day, everyone walked. And some kids lived a long, long way away.  I was lucky. I left home each morning after being force-fed a quality breakfast, and then returned about 7 hours later to a stay-at-home mom that regularly provided me with some sort of treat.  One she had created herself.  I had many friends that came home to no one.  Just a key under the door mat to let themselves in.  If the door was even locked.  Like I said, I was lucky. It was a different time.

By the time I was in school, TV was a thing, but not a big deal yet.  It was mainly an after-school phenomenon.  In the evening, my family all watched the same things. But in the afternoon, I could watch anything I wanted.  No one screened what was being viewed.  Of course there was very little to watch. Anyway, I often had better things to do.  In those days, playing outside from dawn to dusk was the norm. The kids of the 1960s often left home in the morning and returned when the streetlights came on. Having received little or no parental supervision. More likely a neighborhood kid that was a little older would keep you in line.  Maybe!

Even when I was 6 or 7 years old, as I left the house, my mom would just say, “Now don’t go off the block”, meaning don’t cross any streets. So, I didn’t. When she wanted me home, she would stick her head out the door and scream my name.  If I was out of earshot, someone would pass the message along to me.  Trust at the time ran at a different magnitude than it does now. Discipline, which meant corporal punishment and fear of it, kept you honest. It kept you in line.  Usually that is!  You were still a kid after all.  I got my share of spankings, that’s for sure.

This level of independence is so rare today as parents are significantly more cautious, often keeping a close eye on their children’s whereabouts.  This reflects changes in society and fear of the unknown. A parenting style now focused on safety.  I often wonder how we still develop strong, independent children.  Maybe we don’t?  Not ones that learn by failing.  With broken bones and bruises to showcase the lessons they were taught. Yes, kids nowadays are certainly much safer.

The period in which I grew up had a casual approach to safety.  Take seat belts for example. Imagine a world where seat belts were barely used.  My parents hated them.  When they came out with a warning buzzer, forcing you to put them on, my dad found a way around it.  As children, we freely roamed around our cars as we pleased.  Even climbing in the back window while we were being driven around. Or riding in the open bed of my dad’s pickup.  Car seats for children? They were almost unheard of.  It was a time when the thrill of a ride mattered more than safety.  The same applied to bicycles.  Who had a helmet?  Not me or anyone I knew.

Now consider indoor air quality.  Especially with what we now know about secondhand smoke.  Back then smoking was a normal activity. Homes and public spaces were often clouded with cigarette smoke. This was especially true during social gatherings at my house.  My mom would bust out extra ash trays and books of matches to make sure anyone could light up whenever they fancied.  We even had a big lighter shaped like a cannon on our coffee table.  It sat there all the time and was used frequently.

Speaking of household hazards, I also think about things like lead and mercury.  My brother worked at a factory that made thermostats. He would bring home defective ones. I broke the glass and collected the mercury hidden inside.  I filled a whole mason jar with that toxic stuff.  And my parents knew this!  My dad brought home big blocks of lead, which I melted and made sinkers for fishing.  Again, a highly toxic activity.  I also had a chemistry set.  I conducted some pretty intense experiments with no supervision. I might have been 10 years old.  I can’t tell you how many times I almost caught the house on fire.

There are so many other examples of what would now be considered neglect on the part of our parents.  How about Sunscreen? It wasn’t even thought of.  We used baby oil to try to get burned. Sugary drinks were staples. Kool aid, Hi-C and sugary soft drinks were always around, and we didn’t even have to ask for them. Processed foods? Fast food?  It was their golden age.  And hell yes we ate them often and without supervision or limits.  And this was the norm.

My uncle had a cottage on a small lake.  I was swimming unsupervised before I was 6 or 7 years old.  Floaties or a life jacket?  No way.  It was a “stay by the dock” kind of thing.  While our parents were socializing, my brother and I were everywhere.  They may have glanced up every once in a while, to see if we were afloat.  By the way, I had a lethal sling shot at 6 years old, a BB gun at 8, a .22 caliber rifle at 12, and a shotgun at 15. I’m not proud of this, but it is a fact.

By the time I was in high school but before I had a car, hitchhiking became a very common thing.  My parents would actually recommend this if they were unable to pick me up. Or imagine being forced to walk home in the dark after a high school sporting event. Walking miles through some pretty awful neighborhoods. No cell phones.  No worries.  It’s just the way it was.

This view of the 1960s and 1970’s is sobering.  But offers a look at several decades of a freer, riskier approach to both childhood and parenting.  This is in stark contrast to today’s highly protective and safety-oriented style of raising children. As witnesses from the parents of my neighborhood picking up their children on my street.  That is just a small part of the changes that have occurred over the course of my life. Some needed.  Some ridiculous. I wonder if pampering kids can be as dangerous and risky as allowing them to exercise their independence.

I am certainly glad I do not have to navigate the complexities of modern parenting.  I am also glad I did not have to parent at the time I was growing up!  It seems that when I was raising my kids, things were a little more middle ground.  Yet, understanding these historical differences certainly provides an appreciation for why each generation is different.  Why each one thinks differently.  Acts differently and parents differently.  Maybe the ride home is worth it?