Going to the Dogs

February 5, 2026

With all the crazy stuff that goes on in the world, including the inescapable cacophony of ridiculous news, and political waywardness, whether fake or otherwise, it’s nice to know that this time of year you can flip on the TV and see something that is utterly pure.  Something completely unbiased and unadulterated. That of course, is the Westminster Dog Show. The Super Bowl of the Canine world.

We live in a conspiracy friendly world. In this day and age, there are so many people that think that every sporting event is staged and essentially fixed. That every win has been set up and purchased like a commodity.  Where the players are trying their best to impact the outcome of the contest for their benefit.  And the officials? Well, they are always clearly helping the other team to win.

In this dog-eat-dog world, it’s nice to have a sporting event like Westminster, where the rules are perfectly clear, followed to the letter, and where there can’t possibly be any bias. Where money doesn’t matter and has no bearing on the outcome. Where there is never any possibility of behind the scenes influencing. That is because there is no chance that dog handlers and breeders are engaged in subtle, or quite possibly brazen, lobbying. I’m fairly certain that these same handlers and breeders would never willingly network, attend social gatherings, nor attempt in any way to curry favor with the judges of these events. It is pure and unadulterated, and the top dog always wins.

Of course, if you didn’t perhaps catch it, I am being completely tongue and cheek here. To me, a thorough and utter novice, both regarding dog shows and conspiracies, the thing seems fixed. Not that I really care.  I only watch this because my wife and kids are big fans. And perhaps because I love dogs. The shrine for my two deceased Golden Retrievers graces the mantle of my fireplace under my television. So I do watch it. And when I do, I can’t help but think there must be something going on here. Even at an unconscious level. To the novice eye, there just seems to be a fair amount of subjectivity. It almost seems like it is scripted.

Now, I am certain dog shows are designed and administered to be fair assessments. Showcasing skills and beauty. As these dogs are running around with a trainer, which is rarely their owner, they are being tested on their training and responsiveness to commands. Showcasing speed, dexterity, and ability to navigate obstacles. I am talking about the dogs now, not the trainers. Although when you watch, you’re never quite certain. Interestingly, I always thought that a critical criterion being judged was how much strain the dog could take from that noose around its neck while being pranced around the stage.

But don’t get me wrong, I fully appreciate what is going on within these events.  I hear the people involved in their coordination and the breeding world are amazingly passionate and committed. And to be fair, from what I have been told, a dog show judge must undergo thorough training, education, and hands-on experience with various breeds. Many judges are also breeders or handlers themselves, so they can bring decades of expertise to their roles. So, all kidding aside I’m sure they do the best they can.

A true concern for me, however, is the breeding itself.  It seems like the way we breed these animals is almost like we humans are trying to play God. I have been told that breeding is done to enhance specific physical traits. The ones that help win ribbons.  Meaning we create breeds shaped solely by human desires. There is evidence out there that this may lead the animals to have health problems, as the emphasis on physical perfection can outshine the well-being of the dogs themselves. Do we really need a flatter faced bulldog with a breathing issue?  Or a Dachshund with a spine so long that it develops Intervertebral disk disease?  And this is happening. I hope this is monitored, as this is truly disturbing to me.

But now, if I can be substantially less serious for just a moment, I believe the judgment measures for the quality of a dog are all wrong anyway. In my mind we need to reward the traits that truly matter. And the criteria I recommend will not be contentious.  In fact, I think most of us dog lovers will wholeheartedly agree.  Here are some examples.

First, how quickly can it go outside and pee when it’s freezing cold and get back in the house?  How thoroughly can they lick up a spill under a baby’s highchair, or cat vomit?  How little do they shed? Will they only bark when you want them too? What is their level of unconditional love? How much of the bed do they take up at night?  And how pronounced is their look of guilt when you catch them doing something wrong?

And we certainly can’t forget things like how little of a mess do they make when they eat or drink? Or how able they are to poop when directed, with bonus points awarded for doing so on someone else’s property? And finally, the ultimate test being, how quickly can they learn to shake, roll over, and play dead? Now these are really important things!

Anyway, this year’s winner of the 2026 Best in Show was a four-year-old Doberman Pinscher named “Penny”. Which if you haven’t heard, we are doing away with.  I’m pretty sure the nickel is soon to follow. Curiously, it was only the fifth time that a Doberman had won in the show's 150 years. Mainly because they have been busy guarding junk yards and impound lots.

Also, if you didn’t know, “Cota” a Chesapeake Bay Retriever, was named first runner-up. This is just in case Penny cannot live up to the high standards demanded by the professional dog world and relieves herself somewhere deemed unacceptable.  Or perhaps, chews on and ruins someone’s favorite shoe. Which would force her to jump down, relinquish her title, and lose all further breeding privileges. Cruel and unusual punishment to say the least.

As far as the Westminster Dog Show goes, let’s be honest, it’s a great distraction from the chaos of today and highly entertaining. But let’s also be clear, if it was truly unbiased, impartial and fair, a Golden Retriever would always win.