I Just Don’t Carol Anymore!

December 2025

Now that the stupor from my gluttony of Thanksgiving is wearing away, I am happy to welcome more standard eating habits, as well as reasonable alcohol consumption. I have heard that Socrates once said, “the secret of true happiness lies in learning to enjoy less”. As much as I agree with this philosophy, I have not yet learned how to apply this worthy message.  Especially around the holidays.  But with Thanksgiving behind us, I guess I can start embracing Christmas. Or at least accepting that it is coming.  I try to take it one holiday at a time. Another thing that is quite difficult to do. 

Thanksgiving fell extremely late in November this year, so Christmas is already creeping up around the corner.  Not that it has stopped anyone from beginning their holiday decorative decadence.  That practice started just after Halloween around here.  And the music has been blaring out of every speaker in most public places for some time now.  That is what I am pondering today.  Christmas music and our fascination, adoration or detestation of the genre.  And don’t say you don’t know what I mean!

First and foremost, what actually is a “Carol”? I don’t even want to look it up because I don’t really care all that much.  If you can’t tell, my feelings about Holiday music are at the detestation end of the likeability spectrum.  I find that most of these tunes, are out of date, make no real sense, and anachronistically portray feelings and moods that no longer exist.  Other than that, I’m ok hearing them on Christmas eve and Christmas day.  After that, forget it.  Bah!  Humbug!  Whatever that means.

Maybe I’m being a little harsh.  Maybe it’s because we are forced to listen to these tunes over and over and over again.  But some of the lyrics and themes?  Where do I start?  Who has ever roasted, or even seen chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Or who do you know that has donned gay apparel to deck the halls with boughs of holly?  What is a bough anyway? And the whole Wassailing thing.  What is that?  Let’s face it, how many of us know “what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh?”  Especially when, in the second verse, that thing crashes and burns in a snowbank along the way.  Finally, I don’t really think that “everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe” or “Jack Frost nipping at your nose” truly helps to make the season bright.

And what’s with this whole holiday promiscuity thing?  Just hang up some mistletoe in a convenient spot and place yourself there for endless action. And, by the way, kiss her once for me. But what takes the cake is Mommy and Santa and their whole seasonal fling. Of course, mistletoe is involved here as well. But daddy seems to be ok with the smooching and tickling. He appears to get a real laugh out of it. In reality, the voyeur kid that is narrating was probably damaged for life. 

Let’s not forget the advocation of bullying.  Poor Rudolph! All of those reindeer oppressor’s laughing and calling him names. Painfully excluding him from their fun and frolic. Even Santa pushed him aside.  Of course, when times got tough, they found a use for the mutant Rudolph, and then everybody loved him.  Just because he made a good headlight.  Typical!

Yes, fear and threats are common in the catalog of Christmas lyrics. Listen, you little shit, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, shut the hell up cause I'm telling you why... Santa Claus is coming to town. Or maybe not!  Remember, that old fop has a list, and he is a little anal so he will be checking it multiple times, all to find out who has been naughty or nice. By the way, the dude is a stalker. He lands on your roof, and breaks into your house through the chimney, even if you don’t have one.  He spies on you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake and he decides if you've been bad or good too. Judge and jury.  Wow!  And your parents are ok with this?  You talk about intimidation.  I was always afraid to even think about what Santa might do, other than not leave me presents. 

In all seriousness, in spite of the toxic level of overplay these songs get, and no matter how many times they are remade, by too many artists, from too many genres, when I hear them sung by real people, I must admit, they bring me a great deal of joy.  My wife has sung in local choirs for many years, and they recently had their annual Holiday program.  It is held in a local church. The last 15 minutes or so is always a sing along where everyone stands and nearly everyone sings, regardless of capability.  It brings tears to my eyes thinking about this.  Because this is how these songs were meant to be sung.  By real people. Tone deafness and all.

The final song always seems to be Silent Night.  Which tugs at my heart like no other Christmas song.  The words and the music are perfect, even for an old agnostic like me.  I sing along until I can’t, because invariably my voice chokes up from fighting back the tears.  But the way it makes me feel is the way I wish we all could feel during the holidays, no matter which one you celebrate. Believing that there will be a dawn of redeeming grace. That we can all embrace calm and peace. A feeling I wish could transcend time and space, for but one moment, to reassure the world that there will someday be heavenly peace.  And each of us, if just merely for that moment, were capable of feeling goodwill towards one another.  Maybe it would feel so good we might want to keep it around for a while. Not just during the holidays.