Out of Control

April 2025

The other day I was organizing my sock drawer, and I started to ponder why on earth I would be conducting this activity. Why I was doing it now as well as the other many times I organize my drawers and closet throughout the course of a year.  I imagined that if I calculated it, it would add up to more time organizing my clothing than doing much more relevant things. Like anything!  

As I pondered this, I concluded that I just enjoy and have a passion for organizing. And I do a great deal of it. Way more than just my bedroom. In fact, I concluded that organizing for me is a hobby, throughout the whole of my life. Almost an obsession. But why?  

Not that this is something new. I have always loved organizing. Planning. These are some of my strengths in life. Or curses!  Regardless, these skills have shaped my life and career, becoming key elements of why I have been successful. I got to the point in the latter stages of my career where I was mentoring and coaching people on the skills and tools for effectively organizing their work and managing projects. But once again, I have to ask myself that critical question. Why am I this way? As is typical, I have given this a lot of thought.

Essentially, I believe it all comes down to one thing. At least for me. The need for a sense of control. If you read up on it, you find that the psychological and biological need for control is, like many other instinctive behaviors, a self-preservation mechanism. For example, when you feel like the world is so unpredictable and that nothing you do has any effect on the outcomes you experience, this can be very stressful.

I have read that the need for control can also be a natural response to the typical stresses of life. It’s a method for coping with things that might otherwise upset or even overwhelm you. Whether consciously or not.  And this is valid, certainly for me it is anyway.  I am very conscious of my need for control, and I know when I am feeling the lack of it.  But I have also read that avoiding dealing with these types of things can also hurt you in the long run. Just like with any problem, not dealing with it can cause the problem to grow.  Notice I said “can”, not “will” cause.  Because I am not certain that a little organization and planning isn’t an adequate coping response to stress.  To a degree anyway.

A need for control might also stem from the difficulty in accepting uncertainty. Arising from anxiety about the future or fear of unpredictability. This can lead some people to believe that controlling other people can help them feel more powerful or competent. Essentially a sensation of control.  I have seen way too much of this in my life, especially my work life.  Again, I have also seen this in myself. I have had to work hard in my life not to let this become a problem.  Maybe a very good reason to organize the wrenches and screwdrivers on my workbench, versus imposing my will on my friends and family.

They say that when the need for control goes too far you can develop coping activities that turn into obsessive and compulsive behaviors.  I have had many people in my life with varying levels of OCD that would overtly display compulsive actions that seemed to help manage their anxiety. It always looked a lot like plain, old anxiety to me. I never realized that this was just their way of dealing with that need for control.  I suppose you could even call my organization of my kitchen a bit OCD.  Like that toaster needing to be in just the right spot on the counter!  But we are not judging here.

I guess the whole point is that uncertainty is a part of life and people deal with it in different ways. It is a lot harder to manage for some people. This difficulty could lead to an intense need to control everything around you or that you tend to want your herbs and spices to be in alphabetical order in the cupboard.  I know that makes me feel like I am in charge of things.

Now, I am not making light of something that can be very debilitating and extremely problematic.  Like most psychological ailments, there is a varying degree of severity within the symptoms.  Sometimes you can search for root causes and help solve the most extreme cases.  In my case, I think I’ll just let sleeping dogs lie.  In every case, overcoming the necessity for a sense of control is possible. As with many things, recognizing your need for it, is certainly the first major step towards managing it.

At the end of the day, we all must admit that the only thing you can really control in life is your reaction to circumstances and how you adapt to them.  That is one of the key things I tried to teach when I was mentoring people on organization, planning and execution in the business world.  It’s amazing how that also applies to life. Besides, how much can it really hurt to have a tidy sock drawer?