Remember Who?

November 2024

Recently, I have been pondering my love of writing.  I’m trying to figure out the origin of this passion. I have written so much throughout the course of my life.  Sometimes out of just the joy of writing.  Other times documenting how I feel, or what I see.  Journaling.  Over the past ten years or so, I have felt my motives evolve.  As I considered this, I began to see that I was using my writing as a means to record my existence.  To find a way to be remembered. 

I know so many people that want to leave a legacy.  And that includes me! It has become very clear to me that the reason I love to write is because I hope to leave a record of my being here. I recall thinking that it would feel like I was living forever if I could just leave something relevant behind. Something I had written that people might discover decades from now and find meaningful content for them within it. I wanted to document my existence, I guess. To be immortalized.  But I have come to the realization that this just doesn’t happen.

My passion for writing began well before I had children. Once I became a father, it was clear that my most important duty was trying to gently shape another human being to be happy, moral and add value to society.  Children that were enabled to create a strong, future generation of happy, moral people with some of my DNA. My true legacy. 

This has also proven to be an illusion.  How far back do you think when thinking of your family tree?  And it will be the same for me.  For us.  In a century or so, maybe your name comes up at a holiday dinner or is bestowed as a token on a newborn in a future generation. Yes, your genes live on, but it doesn’t take long for them to be diluted either. We just aren’t that memorable.  Even at a chemical level.

The fact of the matter is, when you’re gone, you’re gone. Being remembered is a fallacy. You think it keeps you alive, but it doesn’t. You’re dead. No matter who you are.  The memory of you may linger for a time. But memories will burn out like a candle as the small group of people you affected in your lifetime dwindles down to merely a few, and then to none. Yes, your family will go last. With small sparks surviving a generation or so. But that also ends quite quickly. 

I have had a growing realization of how little our recollection of familial history, or history itself, stands the test of time. We all have short memories of the past, and even once-famous people are often long forgotten. So, truth be told, very few of us will be remembered for doing anything significant.  Sure, there are a few ultra famous people.  We certainly recall their names.  But frankly, can we remember in any detail what they achieved?  And regardless, I do not think being remembered was the goal of those we remember most.

I have a real-life example I will share.  I worked for 30 years at the same company.  One of the people I respected most was a dedicated, passionate woman that truly left the place better than she found it for the 30+ years she was there.  Her efforts helped the company and its employees transform into something truly special.  She also had a huge positive impact on me.

Once she retired, they named a big common area after her. A place where employees gathered and socialized.  Something she felt was critical and strengthened the organization.  “Dedicated to the memory of her amazing service”, was the quote on the big plaque displayed proudly on the wall.  Ten years after her retirement, there were people sitting in that space.  They saw the plaque on the wall.  I heard one of them say, “I wonder who she was?”.  That is a perfect example of how perishable memories really are.

So, I’ve decided to deprioritize carrying about the legacy of my own life.  What I now firmly believe is that our actions while alive are what matter the most. That how we are perceived or remembered in the future is far less important than how we are regarded now, in the present. So, what we do today is so much more important than what we leave behind.  Basically, the short time we live has far more meaning than the eternity that we are dead and gone.

The good news is, you may not be remembered but you most certainly can positively shape and change someone in your life. If you do it well, they in turn will shape people, who shape people, who shape people, who shape people… Ad Infinium.  Generations of impact can start with very small, singular things!  You can make someone’s day.  Change their week.  Yes, even their life. And do so just by planting seeds. By valuing how you make people feel. 

No one will argue that our actions in life, live on, in the lives of others. Being a mentor, a coach, a friend, or just a really good person.  Being generous, kind, and enabling the happiness of others offers the greatest opportunity to achieve a new version of immortality.  Of being remembered.  I guess what that proves is that it is more important living how you want to be remembered, than working hard to be remembered.

I still like writing and continue to spend a great deal of time doing so.  Here I am now!  But I no longer see it as a legacy, or a means to be remembered.  I do it for fun!  Maybe to help my own memory. But I will focus more of my energy on bringing out the best in others.  Subtly leaving my legacy behind to grow.  Knowing that it doesn’t need my credited authorship to be important!