The Process

October 2023

I’ve been lucky.  In my 60+ years I have spent very little time in a hospital.  For myself that is.  Attending to others has been a different story.  And recently it has been a bit overwhelming.  But I guess that is to be expected at my age.  Sometimes it is just to pay a quick visit. Other times it is to care for someone living their final days, or moments. Family.

I’ve had the honor of doing this a handful of times.  I say honor because that’s exactly what it is.  To be there for someone as they move on to whatever is next.  It’s not easy, watching people fade away.  Especially people you’ve known forever and love.  But it is truly as much a part of life as watching someone being born. And it certainly makes you think.

You think about the fragility of life as you watch it slip away. You think about your own mortality. The impermanence of others that you love.  These are scary thoughts! Questions arise as you watch this happening.

For instance, why does life often seem to linger so, for someone on the edge of death? This process can carry on for what seems like an eternity. Why can’t they just let go?  Sometimes it is like there is a battle going on. A fight to stay alive. But is that really what it is? Today, at my father-in-law’s hospital bedside, likely in his final days, I ponder this.

As I watch the battle over the course of hours, then days, I develop a new perspective. It may not be a fight at all. I begin to see that it is a spirit in transition. The pulling and tugging between this world and the next.

Within this, I think what seems like a battle is the difficulty extracting the spirit from one that was so full of life. From one that has lived so long and has given so much. From one that so enjoyed life and so altered the world around him.

It must take time to download all that pain and sorrow. The times of anger and pleasure.  All the accumulated love, joy, and happiness. The memories that comprise an existence.  I believe these things are what make up your spirit. And all of this must go somewhere. To transition. The energy moves from here to the great ever after. To become part of the universe of memories.

And that takes time. Especially for one that was so full of life. With so many memories. So many failures. So much success. That’s a lot of energy to move!  We battle hard to keep it. That is the struggle we see. That is what makes us seem to linger. Because it takes time.

Yet, it’s worth the time it takes! To give back to the universe that which is hers. To make the transition complete. So that the next phase can begin. We don’t lose the fight. We actually win! We move on. All of us. That is the process. And to me, that is what makes life everlasting.