Doctor, Doctor

October 2026

I went to the doctor the other day for what I still call my “annual physical”.  To professionals, it is now known as a “periodic wellness check”. I have a new doctor, so I was a little nervous, just because it is a change.  Something I have talked about before.  Doctors, dentists, hair stylists, bartenders, servers at the local diner, I like to keep the same.  Once I develop a rapport with someone of this type, I am exceptionally loyal. Or I guess they become a part of my comfort zone.  Anyway, the visit was mostly uneventful, which I suppose is good news. But it still made me ponder.

First, when I arrived at the office there was the litany of forms. Of course, all 6 pages they handed me had super small print, and I had forgotten my glasses.  As I filled in my life's history of illnesses and maladies, the nurse saw me struggling, “Oh, don't worry about those last few pages. It’s just for HIPPA. You don’t need to read it if you don’t want to. Just sign at the bottom.” I wondered if I would get in the room and they would prep me for surgery to take my kidney, declaring “Well you just signed and said you were willing to do that.” You can never be too careful. 

My family and I had the same doctor for 35 years.  He recently retired, so we had sort of grown older together. I imagine he is a few years older than me so let’s say he is 65. He was originally from India and had all of the stereotypical mannerism of an Indian guy. And he was always telling jokes about being Indian. My family and I got to know him very well over the years. He was a very laissez faire dude, and when we had appointments, unless we were truly ill, he would just chat.  If I felt ok, he was good with that. So definitely not exceedingly proactive, but when you're healthy, that's a good thing.

Once, my wife enquired about a wart she had developed on her shoulder. She asked him what would cause such a thing. “You are becoming a witch!” was his reply.  We still laugh about that one. He liked to talk about nutrition with me, as he knew that was my background and it wasn’t his.  I respected him even more for letting me give him little mini lectures about gut health.

Anyway, today I met my new Doctor. He will take some getting used to but seemed cool.  He was older than me, rather rotund and enthusiastic.  He had a belly that put a lot of pressure on the bottom few buttons of his shirt. It was like looking down the barrel of a gun. I had visions of one of them popping of and taking one of my eyes out. No kidding, they were really being stressed. It was distracting and not in a good way.

We talked for almost 30 minutes while he performed some cursory tests on me. “So, I read in the chart you have Gilbert’s Syndrome”, he queried.  “What!?”  I asked the dude if he had the right chart. “Yes, I noticed you have chronically high bilirubin.  Does Gilbert’s run in your family?” What the heck!  My old Doctor said my bilirubin ran a little high and was like, “Nothing to worry about”, and this guy gave me a syndrome.  Yikes! Not a good start. 

Then he went all textbook on me. Making it clear that Gilbert’s syndrome is a harmless, inherited condition where the liver does not process bilirubin properly. He added “It does not cause liver damage or reduce life expectancy.” He also mentioned that it there was nothing I could do about it, which was a moderate relief. As he continued to stare at my chart and poke and prod me in odd places, I wondered what else he might uncover, but to my deliverance, nothing of note was there to throw more concerns at me.

Thankfully, these days there is a thing called Mychart.  It really takes the mystery out of things like blood test results. Really, it provides detailed information on anything to do with medical procedures you’ve received.  I got picture of the inside of my colon from my colonoscopy in there.  Even MRI results from neck surgery. This is likely a good thing.  But it does contribute to the dearth of information available which can help you make up stuff that might be wrong with you. I read that WebMD is one of the most consulted websites on the internet. Soon we will all be diagnosing our own ailments. Get that information in the wrong hands and hypochondria will certainly take a leap.

Anyway, my appointment went fine. As a parting shot, as he walked out of the examination room and I dressed, my new Doctor threw in the obligatory observation, “Oh, you could stand to lose a few pounds…”. My response, as always, was “Indeed, I’ll get right on that”. Of course, the chunky Dr Plumpenstein was gorging on a donut as I walked out of the office. Ahh the hypocritical nature of the those that follow the Hippocratic oath. Oh well, I guess I will dash right off to Planet Fitness and get started on my weight loss regimen.  On second thought, I better wait and make sure I still have both of my kidneys. And of course, jump on WebMD and read up on bilirubin!