Like a Fine Wine?

April 2026

As you get older, say around 60, you start to be a bit more in touch with what is going on with your mind and body. Maybe it’s because you have more time to think about it, or perhaps it’s because the things that change are so much more extreme and easier to detect. Whatever the case, some rather emphatic changes begin to occur during this stage of human life. I am in this period now, which causes me to ponder aging. Something I think about all the time and write about all too often. 

They say “aging”, is a process. I’m not sure who “they” are but one thing I am sure of is, that I’ve never been a process person.  But I have an open mind.  Now it’s true, aging can be beneficial for many things, like wines, bourbon, cheese, leather, and even antiques. All of which, if treated properly, will improve with time. I have old jeans and shoes I love for the comfort they have developed.  Some for well over 20 years.  My wife calls me a hoarder but that’s another story for a different time. 

But in humans, aging is a little different. So, as I started to think about this, I decided to consult my friend Google and get its perspective. I typed “How do humans age”, and here is what I got;

“Aging is a progressive, natural, and irreversible biological process characterized by the gradual decline of physiological functions, starting in early adulthood and leading to increased susceptibility to disease and death. Driven by both intrinsic factors (genetics, cellular decay) and extrinsic influences (environment, lifestyle), this process involves, for example, reduced collagen, muscle loss, and decreased organ reserve.”

My Lord, what a bleak synopsis! But let’s just agree here, you really can’t fight this.  Ok, well maybe the one variable you control is the “Extrinsic influences”, which means essentially how you treat yourself. But the rest is up to genetics and good old father time.   What I really disliked was the “starting in early adulthood” thing. So, what’s going on with me has been going on for a while. Not a very comforting thought.

For myself, I don’t need to go into “cellular decay” or any of the other factors that are slowly fading in my life like a midnight apparition.  I have far more measurable factors that are changing in me. Ones that, although not seemingly life threatening, are top of mine within my existence.  

One prime example is my recent diminished capacity for consuming hot stuff.  By that I mean spicy foods. I once could eat as hot as you got. The hotter the better. My tolerance was legendary.  In fact, I still can eat the world’s hottest stuff, and I really crave these types of foods. You see, going into my body is not the issue, it is when these foods are on their way out of my body that has become a problem.  The repercussions are awful and almost too painful to describe. So, I won’t go into too much detail.

Let’s just say that about 12 hours after a spicy Thai meal, I will be on the toilet praying for death to put me out of my misery.  Yes, it is that bad.  And now it happens with anything that is spicy.  Even minimally so.  Needless to say, my gastronomic world has collapsed!  It is so bad that this has now impacted me psychologically. I seem to get a stomachache just standing near a bottle of Tabasco. Sadly, and with utter remorse, I have had to give up some of my favorite foods.

Oh, and that’s not all.  If we look beyond colonic distress, there are other things that are happening, albeit with less of an impact on my daily bill of fare.  For one thing, I have hair growing out of every orifice on my face. My nostrils, my ears, even near and around my eyes. I often get an eyebrow that gets so long it curls down and irritates my eye.  Not to mention the hair that occasionally grows from the tip of my nose. And these hairs grow at a fantastic rate.  I should call Guinness.  Some can be gone one day and of a measurable length the next.  And that’s not the end of it. There are other new, but unusual things.

I lost 10 pounds over the course of dry January and seemed to get fatter, except for my face which, as it thinned out, made me look even older. To compound this, I don’t know what happened here, but I no longer have an ass to hold up my pants.  Now I know why old men pull their slacks up to their armpits.  There is no way I am ready for that fashion faux pas.

But wait, there’s more! The other day I bit into a grilled cheese sandwich and broke a tooth. What the hell?  And how about the fascinating fact that I can change the tone of the ringing in my ears by moving my jaw around. And how about floaters, you know those things you can see drifting around in your vision.  I have so many of them, if I look at a white wall or a clear blue sky it looks like a school of eels are swimming in my eyeball.  

How about getting injuries from nothing. It’s quite awful when things like sneezing, sleeping in the “wrong" position, or just turning your head too fast become health hazards, almost like falling down a flight of stairs. And let’s talk about alcohol consumption, I just can’t take it like I used to.  Only a short time ago I had fairly high tolerance, and it rarely had any repercussions the next day.  Now, I get a moderately robust hangover with just 2 or 3 drinks.  In spite of my recent writing, it’s almost not even worth it.

Of course, as with everything in life it’s about balance. There are some good things about aging that I need to throw out here. My senior self isn’t all bad, or about things I have lost.  Let’s look on the bright side before I finish off this bitch session of a pity party. 

Aging has certainly brought me an increase in patience and emotional stability. I’m not always in a hurry.  I am much less argumentative and uptight.  I am a little wiser and a better decision-maker. My relationships have become more meaningful and deeper. I get a much higher degree of happiness from them.  To top it all off, I’m not nearly as sensitive about what other people think as I used to be.  Even though I won’t pull my pants up over my navel.  Not yet anyway!  I also appreciate small things, little moments of joy that I once took for granted. 

So, like I said, it’s not all bad. I guess I’ll just have to learn to enjoy different foods and maybe fewer cocktails.  Maybe I’ll see if I can come up with some way to change whatever has happened to my digestive system.  Maybe it will change back with time. Whatever the case, I will just have to accept it. Because there is one thing that I do know for certain.  Aging is not always a pleasure, but it certainly is a privilege.  And I am really ok to just keep right on doing it!